（ Joe Love著 张馨月 译）（未经允许 请勿转载 多谢合作）

   你生活中大部分的成功，来自于你有效地处理与他人关系的能力。你的成功将取决于有多少人知道你，并且是以一种赞成你的方式来认识你。你将通过别的男人和女人来获得一切。这些人都是在你生命中的关键时刻，对你有所帮助的人。你影响其他人按着最有利于你的方式来行动的能力，就是你能逐步获得幸福和成功的技巧中最重要的一部分。

   所有的领导人拥有的一个共同的素质能力，就是让人们追随他们。事实上，影响他人的反面简单来说就是受别人影响。你可以主动影响他人或被动受他人所影响。你可以追随他人，或者你也可以让他们追随你。你的成功将取决于你争取别人积极的跟你合作的能力。跟别人合作是实现自己的目标过程中必不可少的。

    别人如何理解你不仅由你有超过对他们的影响力所支配，而且还由你的可信性所支配。你做或不做的每件事都在为你的可信性和你影响他人的能力做广告或者在减损它们。

   在你的可信性中，其中一个最重要的因素就是自己的外表。你大概也听说过这句话，你不会有第二个机会来获得一个良好的第一印象。当你第一次跟一个人见面时，大约四秒后，他们就对你做出初步的判断，三十秒内就对你做出决定性的判断。

   一切有助于你外观的方式是非常重要的。如果它对你没有帮助，那它就是对你有不良影响。同时，你无法掌控你的身体特征，你只有对打扮有总的控制权，你通过自己的外观有意识并且故意地向别人做出一份关于自己的声明。

    你的服装担负了某个人对你有什么样的第一印象95 ％的责任，你的打扮和发型可以在你受别人影响的方面施加过多的影响力。你所带的东西，例如一个钱包，公文包，手表，领带，笔还有其它物品，它们都在发表一项关于你自己的声明，并且影响到别人对你的了解方式。

   另一个影响其他人的重要因素是你在和其他人的谈话中的情感因素。你在跟别人进行深层次沟通和对别人潜意识中需要沟通方面了解的能力，将对你影响他们的能力有重大影响。我们都是情绪化的人。我们所做或所说的一切，还有我们所有的决定都取决于我们的情绪。因此，要想能够影响他人，我们需要能把任何让别人有强烈感受的方式连接起来。

    其中一个最强大的，但你在逐步影响别人过程中没有充分利用的技能，就是谨慎地问问题，然后听取回答的能力。你听别人说的事情越多，他或她将会更信任你并且接纳你的影响。接下来的一项重要原则就是当话题进入有效的交流时，除非你能找到一种替代问那个话题的方式，不然就不要开口。

   你在生活的各个领域中的成功，将取决于随着时间的推移，你能着手开始并发展起来的大量关系的质量和数量。如果你要在人生中获得幸福和成功，这将通过你和他人的关系来获得。在商业界，别人不会跟你做生意，直到他们确信你是他们的朋友并且你是在为他们谋得最佳利益而行动。换句话说，某个人不会受你影响，除非能以某种方式喜欢上你。当然，如果他们害怕你，受你影响也经常有可能发生，但这种类型的影响，在那个人可以重新安排他们的处境和逃离你对他们进行控制的环境时就不起作用了。

    影响别人最安全的方式，就是通过成为他们的朋友，赢得他们的喜爱和尊重。这需要花时间与他们在一起，关怀和尊重他们。你愿意花越长的时间跟那个人在一起，那个人趋向于信任你和感觉你是为他或她谋求最佳利益的程度就越高。你越明显地关心那人，关心他们真正需要的东西，他或她就越有更多的可能接纳你的影响力。在你跟异性，你的朋友还有你的孩子的个人关系中，这变得更加重要。你让别人感觉你越关心他们，他们就会以某种方式对你的影响力越开放。

   另一种影响别人的方式，就是通过专业知识。专业知识是跟知识紧密联系在一起的，但它有点不同。专业知识，是你在你所选择的领域方面表现得好的能力。有专长的男性和女性就是在他们所做的领域反复实践，直到他们成为在他们的领域中迄今被广泛已知为做得最好的人。

    如果你想影响其他人，具有积极的精神态度是必不可少的。你对你自己和工作越积极和越热情，你就比别人有更多的影响。情绪是传染性的，你的情绪会对其他人的行为有影响。当你为你正在做的事情兴奋时，你也会让其他人变得兴奋。你对你正在做的事情表现得更有信心和希望，并更乐观，他人对你也会更有信心和希望。这使你更容易影响他们接受你自己的想法，并让他们帮助你达成目标。

   影响某人的最佳方式之一是为他们做些好事。始终不期待任何回报去探询能以某种方式帮助其他人改善他们的生活。你播下什么种子，就会收获什么。当你不期待任何回报为他人做些好事时，就会引发别人对你有所报答的愿望，来而不往，非礼也。

    使用播种和收获原则的最佳方式之一，就是不断寻求方法对人别人说和做一些积极的事情。寻求给你的家人和朋友带来友善的行为和帮助。给他们邮寄感谢函和生日贺卡，邮寄你觉得从报纸和杂志上看到他们可能感兴趣的内容剪报。始终遵守你的承诺，并对你的承诺采取后续行动。始终做你说你将做的事情。尽一切可能去开始，并满怀信心地知道你最终将可以完成更多的事情。请记住，你播种什么，就收获。

   最有影响力和最成功的人总是寻求方法给别人做好事。无论在任何情况下，当你和某人见面时，其中最好的一个问题就是你可以这样问： “有什么我可以为您做的？”始终寻求方法去开始好过跳过它。如果你想获得成功，你必须像一个老手一样当个“赐予者”。

    如果你希望能够影响别人，你需要对别人的影响开放接受。你必须愿意接受反馈和自我纠正。你要对别人的需要和感觉灵活，熟练地有所反应。当你目前的方法没有起作用时，你必须愿意改变你的想法并且着手处理不同的情况和问题。

   越多人觉得你是个开放的，同情别人的人并且对他们的需要和关切的东西同情理解，他们就越会以一些积极的方式对你对他们的影响有所开放接受。你可以用来影响别人的个性作用力越大，你将达成的目标会更多，并且将更快地达成目标。然后你将更迅速地取得你所渴望和应得的巨大的成功。

How To Influence People

Most of your success in life will come from your ability to deal effectively with other people. Your success will be determined by the number of people you know, and who know you in a favorable way. Everything you achieve will be through other men and women. These are people who will be there to assist you at the critical junctures of your life. Your ability to influence other people to act in your best interest is one of the most important skills you can ever develop to achieve happiness and success.

One of the common qualities that all leaders possess is the ability to get people to go along with them. In fact, the opposite of influencing others is simply being influenced by them. You can be either proactive or reactive. You can either go along with people, or you can get them to go along with you. Your success will depend on your ability to gain the active cooperation of others. Having the cooperation of others is indispensable in achieving your goals.

How you are perceived by others will not only determine the influence you have over them, but it will also determine your credibility as well. Everything you do or don't do either ads or takes away from your credibility and your capability to influence others.

One of the most important factors in your credibility with others is your appearance. You've probably heard of the saying that you never get a second chance to make a good first impression. When you meet a person for the first time, they make an initial judgment about you in approximately four seconds, and a final judgment within thirty seconds.

Everything contributing to the way you look on the outside is important. If it's not helping you, then it's hurting you. While you cannot control your physical features, you have total control over the way you dress and your grooming. You are consciously and deliberately making a statement about yourself by your appearance.

Your clothes are responsible for 95 percent of the first impression you make on someone. Your grooming and your hair style can exert an inordinate influence on the way that you are perceived by someone. Your accessories, such as a purse, briefcase, watch, tie, pen, and other items you carry with you all make a statement about you that influence the way you are perceived by others.

Another important element in influencing other people are the emotional elements of your conversation with other people. Your ability to communicate to the deep and subconscious needs of other people will have a major impact on your ability to influence them. We are all emotional. Everything that we do or say, and all of our decisions are determined by our emotions. Therefore, to be able to influence others, we need to be able to connect with whatever causes them to feel strongly one way or another.

One of the most powerful, yet underused skills you can develop to influence others is the ability to ask questions carefully, and then listen to the answers. Listening builds trust and credibility. The more you listen to what the other person is saying, the more he or she will trust you and be open to your influence. An important rule to follow when it comes to effective communication, is to never say anything if you can find a way to ask it instead.

Your success in every area of your life will depend a great deal on the quality and quantity of the relationships you can initiate and develop over time. If are going to achieve happiness and success in life, it will be through the relationships you have with other people. In the business world, a person will not do business with you until they're convinced that you are their friend and that you are acting in their best interest. In other words, someone can't be influenced by you unless they like you in some way. Of course, it's often possible for you to influence a person if they fear you, but that type of influence lasts only until the person can rearrange their situation and escape the circumstances that enable you to have control over them.

The safest way to influence someone, is to earn their liking and respect, by becoming their friend. This requires spending time with them, caring and respecting them. The more time your are willing to spend with the person, the greater that person's tendency will be to trust you and to feel that you are acting in his or her best interest. The more obvious it is that you care about the person, about what they really need, the more likely it is that he or she will be open to your influence. This is even more important in your personal relationships, with members of the opposite sex, your friends, and your children. The more that people feel you care about them, the more open they will be to your influence in some way.

Another way to influence others is through expertise. Expertise is closely tied to knowledge, but it is a little different. Expertise it the ability to perform well in your chosen field. Men and women with expertise are those who practice over and over in whatever they do until they become known far and wide as the very best in their field.

Having a positive mental attitude is indispensable if you want to influence other people. The more positive and enthusiastic you are about yourself and your work, the more influence you will have over other people. Emotions are contagious. Your emotions have an impact on the behavior of other of other people. When you get excited about what your are doing, you get others excited as well. The more positive and optimistic you are about what you are doing, the more positive others will be towards you. And this makes it easier for you to influence them to accept your ideas, and get them to help you achieve your goals.

One of the best ways to influence someone is to do something nice for them. Always find out how you can help the other person improve their life in some way, without expecting anything in return. You are sowing the seeds to reap the harvest later. When you do nice things for others without any expectation of anything in return, it triggers a desire in people to reciprocate.

One of the best ways to use the principle of sowing and reaping is to continually look for ways to say and do positive things for people. Look for ways to do kind acts and favors for your family and friends. Send thank-you notes and birthday cards. Send clippings from newspapers and magazines about subjects that you feel may be of interest to them. Always keep your promises, and follow-up on your commitments. Always do what you say you will do. Do everything possible to put in, confidently knowing that you will ultimately be able to get out far more. Remember, you will always reap what you sow.

The most influential and successful people always look for ways to do nice things for others. When you meet someone under almost any circumstance, one of the best questions you can ask is this: "Is there anything that I can do for you?" Always look for ways to put in rather than to take out. If you want to be successful you have to be a "go-giver" as well as a go-getter.

You need to be open to the influence of others if you want to be able to influence them. You need to be willing to accept feedback and to self-correct. You need to be flexible, fluent, and responsive to the needs and feelings of people. You need to be willing to change your mind and to approach situations and problems differently if your current method is not working.

The more people feel that you are open, empathetic, and sensitive to their needs and concerns, the more open they will be to you influencing them in some positive way. The more you can influence others with the power and impact of your personality, the more you will accomplish, and the faster you will accomplish it. And, the more rapidly you will move toward the great success that you desire and deserve.

Joe Love draws on his 25 years of experience helping both individuals and companies build their businesses, increase profits, and achieve total success. A former ad agency executive and marketing consultant, Joe's work in personal development focuses on helping his clients identify hidden marketable assets that create windfall opportunities and profits, as well as sound personal happiness and peace.